I awoke this morning to the realization that I have fallen in love again. I have fallen in love with someone so beautiful, so pure. This someone is a true believer of love, a solid individual, a pillar of strength, a jack of all trades, a master of none; This someone has been there through thick and thin when I was down to my last dime, almost my last breath. When I was once lost and couldn't find my way this person helped me through. This someone was always steadfast in prayer. At times I really hated this person, I mean really hated...LOL! The open mind of this person, the flexibility, the ability to stay calm under pressure, the energy of this person, the ability this person has to light up a room with one smile... Damn. I have been so hard on this person when I shouldn't have been. I had given up on this person, didn't want to be apart of this person, didn't want to be any where near this person, couldn't talk to this person it would have defeated a purpose (made me crazy). This person has difficulty letting things go which I realized is simply because of how big their heart really is. This person cares about things on a grand scale, religion, politics, people...no matter the sex, color, creed, gender, etc., family life, children, marriage, sports, music, art, history, you name it they love it. So then I thought, what's wrong with this person? Is there anything wrong with a person who loves all things? Does that make them gullible or naive? Soft or a pushover? NO! Perhaps that is the problem with the world there just isn't enough love anymore. People would rather kill one another than see each other happy. How strong are you? Could you love someone enough to let them go and be happy if they don't want to be with you any more? Could you love yourself enough to walk away from someone you love if they truly aren't good for you, or are you someone who has to find out the hard way?
I am someone who had to find out the hard way. I am not ashamed to say that I was once upon a time with a man who was no good for me. He never harmed me physically but, I allowed him to indirectly pimp me. All I knew was that I loved him. When he lost his job, I held him down the way I thought a good woman should. I cooked, I cleaned, I paid the bills, I took care of his daughter, his brother, and sometimes his mother (if she needed it). Im told the things I did for him are things a wife does for a husband. I even went as far as to pawn my jewelry to save our apartment after he'd caused me to lose my job. When I think back on it, I allowed him to become complacent and comfortable. I lost everything. I share this with you because I have forgiven myself. I realized self preservation is the law of life. I share this with you because I have allowed myself to fall in love again. Perhaps if I loved this person all along, I would not have been in that predicament. I would never have made such mistakes. I don't regret going through the things I went through with that man because it made a woman out of me. It brought the black woman out of me (strength, courage, and wisdom). It prepared me for my future. I have a real man now, so his actions tell me. I have fallen in love again...I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE AGAIN...WITH ME!
Thank you Jesus for answering my prayers. I heard you father when you said, "how can you truly love someone when you don't love yourself, do you know how to love yourself...I'll show you". Thank you Jesus
"God's delays are not is denials" ~My Mom
Tempera Mental
