UNTITLED....

The things which I find are most important in this world are family, faith, friendship, patience, and love. When you have these things in your life there is no need to list other important things such as honor, loyalty, and trust. Most of us think of ourselves as good people, living our daily lives while fighting the good fight. I believe in my heart that while the news only shows us the negatives in the world, there are still some good people and good things taking place in this world.

While many people are wondering where their next meal is coming from, there is someone out there fighting to get them fed. While human traffickers are profiting from the enslavement of others, someone is fighting to put an end to this gross display of injustice. While some of us are complaining about racism and prejudice, there are those of us whom are fighting for equality. While many of us wake up every morning and immediately reach for a cigarette, turn on music videos, check email, or simply get out of bed and immediately go to the bathroom, there are those of us who simply first thank God for another day, or are at least happy to be taking another breathe.

What you stand for has much to do with the very first thing you do in the morning. We should never take for granted that tomorrow will come simply because we think that it will or because we are in the picture of health or have a lot going on. It can all be over in a blink. We must learn to be grateful that are problems are not such that we cannot find our next meal, that we are enslaved, that this could be a depression. We must learn to be grateful for the little things and stop worrying about idiotic things such as Chris Brown and Drake fighting. How is something like that relevant to your daily life? When was the last time you called your mother? Or spoke with someone you love?

My point is there is less struggle and difficulty in our lives than we would like to admit. We have the tendency to become more ungrateful for what we do not have and less grateful for what we do. We are selfish individuals who have the tendency to think that we have problems, real problems. I would rather have a bill to complain about than starvation. I would rather be looking for a job than to be forced into slavery. I would rather be the change I seek as opposed to bitching all the time about racism and inequality. Fortunately, those of us who realize such things are not the last of a dying breed. Those of us who give a damn about others are gaining momentum. Is it an uphill battle, absolutely, but change is inevitable. And for all of you out there who have a problem with immigrants, African-Americans, LGBT individuals, SUCK IT UP! Human beings have certain inalienable rights, as a founding father so eloquently put it. I digress.

Again, my people let us be grateful for what we have. Let us help others and when someone helps us, pay it forward. That is all for now.

Tempera Mental

Be Grateful

It is beyond difficult to be grateful for all that we have when we are stressed about other things. Many of us are often plagued with overdue bills, embarrassing conversations we do not want to have with bill collectors, or the money we may or may not be making at our jobs. It is troubling to admit our faults and that we often bring such nuisances on ourselves. I awoke this morning in a state of sadness for no apparent reason at all. The bills are paid; I have food, clothing, running water, electricity, and a working automobile. These are things that most of us have, so why isn't that enough?

We live in a world that indirectly encourages envy, rage, greed, and hatred. Television glamorizes what we do not have and makes it seem so easy. People hate Kim Kardashian, but why? Things are not always what they seem. People look down on her as opposed to applauding the fact that she did not run and hide or commit suicide when scandal ensued. For most people scandal is unbearable. One would think that instead of glamorizing fame and glory, television producers would have at least one show that chronicles exactly what these people have to go through for such fame and glory. Everybody wants to be famous, but no one wants to put the work in.

We must learn to be grateful for what we have. It is okay to be broke when all of your bills are paid and there is food in the refrigerator. It is okay to miss a party because there will be many more. We must learn to sacrifice our wants for our needs. And most of all we must learn to save money. There is nothing worse than hearing a person say "I spend money because I never had any". This is the height of ignorance. When you have money do not spend it all, so you can look good in front of people who really do not give two shits about you and will be gone when you are broke again. And that will be sooner than you think.

We must learn to be grateful for the gift of aging, not youth. Youth says you still have a lot of growing up to do, age says you've done something right. I can only hope to be of age someday where I am wise and can help young people. We should hope to love our wrinkles someday, and to be loved by those whom we have loved all our lives. We should hope to have someone to share those wrinkles with, to have shared a life with.

My point is if money were everything the best things in life would not be free. We have all that we need, we should be grateful. Even if you do not believe in God, you should still be happy that you are not dead in a gutter somewhere. We must pray for those who are without, help them out, and let them know that there is still hope. The folks in Oklahoma recently lost their material things...material things, but they still have each other and that is what matters most.

Until next time, be grateful what you have, not ungrateful for what you don't; live, laugh, and love.

Tempera Mental

I Often

I often speak with my husband about having children and whether or not it would be selfish of us to bring them into a this world. We live in a world where "religious people" kill one another , some touch little boys, school shootings are becoming the norm, those who were born privileged think of the poor as leeches,  combating gender violence is not a priority in foreign policy, women are considered inferior beings by most men, and there is a genuine lack of respect when there is a difference of opinion. I believe in God, but I do not have a problem with atheist's opinion because they are entitled to their opinion and who am I to tell someone they have to think otherwise. I have no problem with anyone LGBT. I believe in love! And no matter what many religious people think, babies will continue to be born.

I often tell my husband that if we decided to have children, I hope we have a boy first and then our little girl will have someone to protect her. Parents cannot be everywhere their children are all the time. Parents cannot shield their children from all the negativity in the world, though they try. God bless them for trying. I remember as a child when my parents first explained death to me. It is the one thing in the world I wished they were able to shield me from. Of all the violence and cursing I had seen on television, all the sex, drugs, rock and roll, none of it compared to the experience of losing a loved one drastically. 

I often read emails sent to me by Women Thrive Worldwide, NOW, and The Human Rights Campaign and tears come to my eyes. I signed a petition this morning on gender violence. A four year old little girl in India died of cardiac arrest late last month due to having been raped, beaten, and dumped outside of a crematorium. What kind of world do we live in where something like this is on the rise? And what about human trafficking? In human trafficking men are buying little girls as young as 3 years old because they are under the impression that they will never catch a disease with a younger victim. And I think to myself, what if my husband and I have a girl? Human trafficking, contrary to popular belief is very prevalent in the United States as well, especially in Florida. The real question is will this madness ever end? Will the men who commit these horrible crimes against women ever realize that these women are their sisters, daughters, mothers? Or will they continue to focus on the profit margins, which by the way is $31 billion dollars a year and counting (human trafficking). It seems hopeless, but where there is a will there is a way.

I often watch television and notice that the only thing that brings people together regardless of age, gender, color, sexual preference, religion, or politics is a catastrophe. People come together when tornadoes and hurricanes occur, school shootings, and kidnappings. While it is sad that this is what it takes for people to come together, it gives me hope. Because regardless of whatever the circumstances may be, people still have the ability to unite as one.

I see hope everyday.

I often look at my husband and see hope. I see hope for the future. My husband may get on my last nerve on occasion, but he never raises a hand to me, nor does he abuse me verbally or emotionally. My husband is not homophobic. He has respect for his fellow human being, and their differences. He is a hard working man who has love, honor, and respect for me, his mother, and his sisters. He gives me hope that if we have a daughter that she will be alright in this world. He gives me hope that if we have a son that there will be another man, a real man in this world. 

In order for change to occur, we must be the change we seek. We must stand up for what we believe in and fight for causes greater than ourselves. When I say fighting for something greater than ourselves I mean this: You may disagree with someone's sexual preference, but everyone has a right to love and be loved. Everyone has a right to spend the rest of their lives with the one they love, in matrimony if they so desire. You may have a problem with women, but you may want to think twice about the woman who did not abort you! We must learn to respect other people's right to free will as well as choice. We must not get upset because someone does not share our beliefs because no two lives are the same, neither are the circumstances within. The rule still stands: treat others as though you will be in their shoes tomorrow. Do not sympathize, empathize because even if it means nothing to you, it could mean everything to them. 


Tempera Mental

Decisions, Decisions

The hardest thing in the world to do is walk by faith and not by sight. I do not gamble. I am not much of a risk taker. Perhaps that is my problem. I do not enjoy not having control over my destiny, but I can accept the fact. Having to make a decision which holds not only your future, but the future of others in the balance makes it all the more difficult. We have all made decisions which we regret, have done things that we wish we could either take back or make amends for. We naturally make stupid mistakes when we are young, but what is the excuse when you make the wrong decision as an adult? The wrong decision as an adult I call fate. You are not where God wants you to be once you realize you have made a mistake, at which point you must acclimate yourself and move on. 

Admittedly, I have to make a list of pros and cons when making an important decision. I have to speak with someone I trust, someone whom I feel makes good life decisions. Yes, I get on my knees and pray. Yes, I ask God for guidance, but I am not adept at noticing the signs he puts in front of my face. Perhaps the pros and cons list is how God makes him or herself known to me. Who knows? I try not to lean into my own understanding because my understanding has led me down a dark road on an occasion or two. 

I know that I am not the only person who struggles with decision making, but I may be one of the few who makes the process harder than it has to be. Even my decision to write this blog in the manner in which I do was a difficult one. When I read others' blogs, there is a multitude of things which I find meaningful and important (i.e. politics, advocating for social change, injustice, women's rights, etc.).  I have opted to write my blog as though it is a personal journal (even though I have kept a personal journal). I use to read others' blogs and think to myself "my blog sucks", and then it occurred to me that my blog matters to the one person who reads it the most...ME. So the decision to write this blog in the manner that I do is perfectly fine. And it keeps me sane. I digress.

When it comes to decision making the key is to weigh your options. You must be like Santa Clause; make a list and check it twice. Ask God, and speak with the people he has put into your life whose opinion you TRULY value and respect. When it comes to decision making you must also realize (as my husband says) "the grass may not be greener on the other side". We must remember to do what we can with what we have in the present moment, but never stop dreaming big. If you are like me then you are someone who wants what you want right now. Yes I lack patience. I am a work in progress, it will come. Patience like decision making requires discipline, not time.

How many times have you struggled over something you already knew the answer to? We must remember to be true to ourselves, which means that what we want may not necessarily be what we need. Once you can distinguish between the two you will begin to make solid (right) decisions. Make sure you are the one making the decision. Receive advice from others, but do not let them make the decision for you. I hope that makes sense. Also, do not allow fear to make your decisions for you, EVER! This is why I said in the first paragraph "I am not much of a risk taker", but I do take risks. I have found that usually the perfect time to take a risk is when you are afraid. I say perfect because the only way to conquer fear is to face it, but that is another blog, and not always the case.

My point is look to your future because your future is bright. Do not hold on to the past. Whatever decisions you are or have been contemplating, take a leap of faith. Make the decision and move on without regret no should have, could have, would have, that only sets you up for inevitable failure. Whatever decision you have to make, do not spend an exorbitant amount of time on it, and do not force the issue, just make the decision and move on. Whatever option you choose remember God is in the midst of it all. Thank you for your time.

Tempera Mental

Birds of a Feather....

I suppose it has not occurred to many people that birds of a feather flock together. We must be careful of the company we keep. The company we keep has a profound effect on how our lives turn out. I say that the company we keep affects our lives because these are the people we call "friend". Let me pause right here, how many of you think you are a friend to someone? Would you let them borrow money? Would you bail them out of jail? If you are a straight man, and you closest boy decided to come out of the closet...are you his friend? A true friend would not say "remember that money I let you borrow". A true friend would simply bail you out of jail, not give you shit over the phone while you are still inside; "I am on the way". A real man would be a friend to his gay homeboy, "alright man, you need me to help you tell your family". I digress. I could write a whole other blog about those who think they are someone’s friend. Wait for it.

 

Be mindful of the company you keep, they affect your lively hood. If you want to be a better person seek out better people. Seek out those whom are positive go-getters. Seek out those who, as my friend Muzik would say "push, pray, and grind!" For example, let's say you have to train for a new job and you are gone for a year or so (out of the scene) and when you return, you see the same people, doing the same things. You notice you have not missed anything. This should set off a blaring alarm in your head, that these are the people you do not want to be around. They are going nowhere, fast! Now let me be clear, keep your friends who are stable individuals. There is a difference between those who are happy in their ignorance and those who are stable. Stability is a better quality of life (i.e. home, family, good credit, non-dead-end job). Those whom I am referring to are those who do not realize that they will not be young forever, those who have no insight, and those who do not realize that fast money is not the only money. Those whom I am referring to are those who complain constantly, always have something negative to say, always hating on the next person, and always think they are the best. If your friends are super-skinny, you will be or will want to be. If your friends are fat, you will be or have confidence once you begin gaining weight (the confidence is good, but fat is unhealthy and so is super-skinny). If you are in need of advice who do you turn to? Most people turn to their friends for advice. If your friends are ignorant haters who only care about the new Lil Wayne song, you are never going to get anywhere in life because they want you there with them.

Be mindful of the company you keep! Surround yourself with people who keep it moving! Surround yourself with motivated, positive, goal-oriented, determined, energy enhancers! Surround yourself with God-fearing people (the kind that do not pass judgment on others)! Surround yourself with the likes of those who are not arrogant! Get in the midst of a strong support team; those who will help you achieve your goals in life. Get in the midst of those who GRIND!  Get in the midst of those who enjoy reading because reading is fundamental; it's FUN and MENTAL! Surround yourself by people who do not look to Facebook for their answers to questions that matter. I'm going to stop right here. It just occurred to me that the people who need to read this, do not read at all. Or perhaps this has helped you....

Be mindful of the company you keep,

Tempera Mental

"Tell me what company you keep and I'll tell you what you are"

~Miguel De Cervantes

Have Purpose

There is nothing more grand than having a life of purpose. Many people ponder the questions, "what is the meaning of life?" or "why am I here?". The answer is simple, to be the best you that you can be. It is not about being the best human, it is not about "survival of the fittest", the human race itself is fittest. In order to have a purpose one must have motivation, but do understand that one must be able to motivate his or herself. We do not live in a world where people will take you by the hand and baby step you through life. Even those who are born with a silver spoon in their mouths are expected to achieve something at some point. Being the best you that you can be does not entail sitting on the couch all day, nor does it entail getting money all day. I say this because one can be "gettin money" all day, and be the loneliest, most unhappy person in the world. Drugs dealers "get money", but they are constantly looking over their shoulder, are in fear for their lives, cannot trust anyone and will either die or end up in prison. Is that happiness? Is that a meaningful life? Is that purpose? 

For the first time in my life, I feel as though I have a purpose. I have an exceedingly busy life. A newlywed, a student, and two good jobs is my daily purpose along with exercise and prayer. It occurred to me, in my early thirties, that I am not getting any younger and time waits for no one. I grew up as we all must at some point. I could have easily remained the way that I was; a lazy, stagnant, procrastinator, but it serves no purpose. If you want purpose in life, you must create it because as I wrote earlier, no one is going to baby step you through life. One cannot sit around all day feeling sorry for his or herself, while watching television and hating on all the famous people you see. If you are a hater, you probably are angry about the decisions you have made in life, which I wholeheartedly understand. However, there is nothing stopping you but you. No matter how old you are, the time is now to create a purposeful, meaningful life, something that you (not others) will be proud of. Sometimes creation requires going back to the basics; getting centered. If you are stressed, meditate or do yoga. If you have spread yourself too thin, turn off your cell phone and take a moment to yourself. Stop worrying about the club, the new gucci bag, gossip, etc. None of that shit is going anywhere, nor is it of utmost importance. Focus on you. You are a great human being, there is no one else in the world like you! Have a little faith, a little goes a long way. 

Tempera Mental

Forward March

I come forth today, the strongest I have ever been. Today, I am able to let go of past mistakes.  I am able to forgive myself and others.   I pray for us all.  I pray for those who believe in God, I pray for those who don't. I pray for those who come forth to kill, steal, and destroy.  I pray for those who need help.  I pray for my enemies (though they are unknown to me).  I pray for those whom I have never met. I pray for our planet which is forced to endure the human race.  I pray for the ignorance in us all, because make no mistake about it..we are ignorant.  I say that we are ignorant because no matter how well-read or educated one might be, we still do stupid shit like, not calling your mom, or not recycling, or not paying taxes, or not helping veterans, or the forgotten man, the single mother, or caring about the way a criminal is treated...stupid shit! I pray because strength is needed on the part of us all.

I come forth today, the strongest I have ever been.  There have been times when I thought I had it bad. There have been times when I felt no one loved me.  There have been times when I just wanted to be the center of attention.  There have been times when I would pass judgement on others as a defense mechanism.  Who am I to judge?  How was I unable to love the beautiful creature that God made me?  Whether you believe in God or not, someone or something took their time making you, making you the artist that you are, the writer, the poet, the singer, the dancer, the gym rat, the school teacher, the policeman, the politician, the veteran, the adoptee, the judge, the garbage man, the janitor, the stripper, what ever you are, whomever you are, BE THE BEST! Do not look in the mirror with hatred, anger, or jealousy because you feel you've made so many mistakes that you can never be Jay-Z or Beyonce, Diddy or Oprah, Steve Jobs, Mark Cuban, or Zuckerberg, don't even feel animosity for not being that baller athlete that gets all the chicks or that female who is always in V.I.P.  Who the hell is gonna love you if you do not love you? Who the hell is gonna help you, if you don't get up off your ass and make moves?  Stop worrying about now and think about your future.  Get off that corner selling drugs, it only leads to two places death or prison.  Turn off the T.V. and read a book. Pay your child support.  Let go of your pride and your ego, humble yourself.  THERE IS NO SHAME IN FLIPPING BURGERS. THERE IS NO SHAME IN HAVING ONLY 1 PAIR OF SHOES. THERE IS NO SHAME IN CATCHING THE BUS. THERE IS NO SHAME WHEN YOU ARE DOING WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO MAKE A BETTER YOU. THERE IS NO SHAME IN NOT HAVING MONEY ALL THE TIME. 


Today, I come forth stronger than I have ever been.  Too many people worry about the wrong things in life.  Facebook is not a neccessity, it is a tool for those of us with an ego, a business, a way to find a lost loved-ones, friends, even jobs.  But those of us who are unhappy with who they are or are angry about certain things in which they have no control use the social network for ignorance.  For example, why go through your significant others' profile and make yourself angry? How long do think it will be before that person comes to their senses and leave you? "Let that bitch like another one of your photos"...Have you any idea how stupid you sound?  Many of us have a need to feel that we are not any different from anyone else.  Some of us want to be different from others, but at what cost to you within?  Have you the ability to accept who you really are? My point is that many of us are unhappy because of the things we tend to take seriously. You want a new car and you are jealous of the person who has one?  You have no idea what drive and ambition are, but that other person does.  Instead of being angry and not liking them, get on your damn grind. Do what they did (as long as it's legal...LOL!) and you will have all your heart desires. Everybody wants to be famous, no one wants to put in the work.  


I come forth today, stronger than I have ever been.  I LOOOOVVVEEE me. LOL! I love what I do and don't have.  I love my new drive and ambition.  I love that I am not the woman I used to be. I really wasn't a woman yet, I was still a little girl doing stupid shit, worrying about the wrong thing, and I almost lost everything because of it.  Understand, as long as there is breath there is life, there is a chance to better ourselves, forgive ourselves, love ourselves and each other.  Smile.  Say please and thank you. Hold door open for someone else whether you are male or female. Not blaming others for your mistakes is the very first step in becoming an adult.  You can't hate cops for putting your ass in jail, YOU broke the law.  You can't get mad when bill collectors keep calling, DEAL WITH YOUR PROBLEM.  Be an adult.  Someone in the club is upsetting you, be an adult! You're too damn old to be fighting in a club, it only says you still have some growing up to do.  Women, stop hating on each other.  It's okay to tell another woman that she is pretty, that you like her dress, a simple hello and a smile goes a long way.  Stop putting good fathers on child support, there is nothing attractive about a trifling woman.  If and only if that man is doing a good job, leave him alone.  Stop taking the child support money to get your weave done, that money is for the baby.  I digress. 

I come forth stronger than I have ever been.  Take your life into consideration.  Take care of your priorities.  Stop worrying about the club, the newest J's, the newest rap song or video or iphone.  Start worrying about your future, save some money, buy a home, buy a car that is reliable and good on gas, get some insurance for your life and health, stop assuming that all men or women are the same (YOU are still the same in the same place around the same types of people you don't want to be around). Find an outlet, go to the gym, talk to people you like frequently, become a beach bum, do some yoga, but by all means chill out! Stop trying to shoot somebody because you are mad at yourself.   Lastly, PRAY! Get on your knees and pray to whomever your God is.  If you do not have a God, or believe that there is one, then simply do what is right by others, you don't have to believe to be a nice person.


Tempera Mental Art