COEXIST (It is possible)

I went back and read some of my old blogs. It is quite interesting, to say the least. Perhaps I should be as Walt Whitman and write glowing reviews of my own work in some noted newspaper. Haven't had the time to blog as often as I'd like. I have spent the last three months in school studying Poetry and American Literature. Some interesting things have taken place in this country since the first "Thanksgiving". The students in my American Literature class are beautiful creatures. We each have our own uniqueness that in my opinion makes the world a better place. We are all shades of the rainbow. We are Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Atheist, Agnostic, and Catholic. We are from all walks of life. We are rich, middle class, and poor. We range in age from 16-40. We all love each other and get along famously. What does this say about the world we live in? Going by what I see on the news everyday my classmates should be at war with one another. This class is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. We have all stood together as a democracy against our teacher and won what we wanted. We have openly discussed our differences, accepted and understood those differences and shook hands after the fact. Again I ask, what does this say about the world we live in? It says to me that in spite of all that we do not understand or condone about one another, there is still hope. Hope for peace and love in this crazy world. Sometimes I wish our class could be televised (unbeknownst to us of course) so that people the world over could see that there is no reason why we all can't just get along. NO REASON AT ALL!


Tempera Mental

IF IT WERE UP TO ME (A repetition poem)

If it were up to me, health care would be free

If it were up to me, there would be no need for war

If it were up to me, there would be capital punishment in my country

If it were up to me, the rich would have to walk a mile in a poor man's shoes

If it were up to me, I'd have my 40 acres and a mule

If it were up to me, we would be able to accept each other's differences

If it were up to me, there would be no incurable diseases

If it were up to me, the presidency could not be bought

If it were up to me, women would be treated as equals in all cultures

If it were up to me, children would be free of sexual predators

If it were up to me, skin color would not matter

If it were up to me, sexual preference would not matter

If it were up to me, church would be a safe haven

If it were up to me, there would be as many attractive men as there are women

If it were up to me, competition would be none

If it were up to me, boxing would still be a great sport

If it were up to me, today's music would require some kind of talent

If it were up to me, friendship would mean something

If it were up to me, people would keep their word

If it were up to me, military veterans would be tax free and never without

If it were up to me, the judicial system would be righteous

If it were up to me, African Americans would be treated as equals

If it were up to me, women would be meaningful pursuits as opposed to objects

If it were up to me, men would have to give birth at some point

If it were up to me, pittbulls wouldn't get such a bad rap, their owners would

If it were up to me, parents would whoop their kids asses

If it were up to me, high schools would have classes that actually teach about life

If it were up to me, all teachers would give a damn, not just some

If it were up to me, I'd go on and on with this

But it isn't up to me, is it!?


Thank you for reading,
Tempera Mental

GOOD MORNING

How beautiful is morning? The air is crisp and it is quiet, peaceful. The sound of birds chirping from my window lets me

know that God has given many of us another day. A second chance at life is all many of us need. The sun has peeked over the

roof of the home across the street, directly into my eye it shines. Thank you Jesus! It is only the middle of the week and so

much has happened; chess moves have been made, deals have been closed or broken, some new actor will get his or her

big break, friends have become enemies, people will become criminals today, minds will change, love will endure, love

will destroy, love will pop the question. There is so much happening at this very moment, in this morning as on every

morning. Oh how I love morning! I open my eyes and say Thank you Jesus. Someday I will be able to open my eyes

every morning in the arms of the man I love at which time I will say, Thank you Jesus. Every morning I wake up I am

humbled, greatful, thankful, for the micro moment I am at peace.


Tempera Mental

YOU PEOPLE, US (A Poem for Change)

It can't even bring you happiness

You love it so much

You will kill for it

You will steal for it

Sacrifice your soul for it

Sacrifice your dignity

Sacrifice your morals

The man that you are

The woman that you think you are

You weren't even born with it

Silver spoon you say?

The person feeding you is just nice enough to share

Why can't you?

Why are my taxes higher?

Why are you so mean?

You have good insurance

You have a nice house

You have a nice car

You have nice clothes

You have food on your table

WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN

WHY ARE YOU SO SELFISH

WHY ARE YOU SO GREEDY

Mom he isn't rich

I want to be with him....

I WANT TO BEEE with him!

WHY CAN'T I BE?

Dad he isn't the same color

I want to be with him

WHY CAN'T I BE?

WHY ARE YOU SO IGNORANT?

2500 PEOPLE!!!

NOW we have added security?

He or she is Muslim

SO WHAT

He or she is gay

SO WHAT

He or she is black

SO WHAT

She is a porn star

SO WHAT

Did you go to law school?!

Are you presiding!?

You can't even mind your own business

You sensationalize

You advertise

You immortalize

That which does not matter

I don't have enough paper

I don't have enough time

I don't have enough brain

So much needs to be changed

Start with who you are

Who you want to be

Who you have become

Look around

Prayer is free

True love is free

Random acts of kindness are free

And for the record....

So is recycling ;0)

A Temperamental Artist

Self Preservation

Im told self preservation is the law of life, but to what extent? Self preservation can cause one to hurt others. When is self preservation wrong? Is it wrong in team efforts? Is it wrong where friends are present? What happens when you are a nice person to others, selfless in most instances? I have always been the nice one, the one who isn't selfish. Now that I have decided to care about me, shit is hitting the fan. Now Im being told that Im "selfish", that I should have thought about this and that first before I did what I did. This came from someone who claimed to be my friend. This is the simplest of things. This person and I work together on a rotating shift with others. We were all confused about this weeks schedule. I showed up to work for the opening shift at which point my boss said I was not supposed to be there. My boss then told me to hold on while he would call the GM and my friend. I was told to work. When my friend showed up at the wrong time (like I did) later on in the day, she was upset I didn't call her. I explained to her that I didn't call her because management said they would call her. This is when she said "I thought we were friends". I feel I did what I was supposed to do which is what management said, work.

Oddly enough I don't feel I am wrong. I don't feel I owe her an apology. I actually feel better about doing what I am supposed to do to make my life easier. The first thing that came out of my mouth to her was "have I ever let you down?" "If the shoe were on the other foot, would you have called me?" there was a pause. She blamed it all on me. I walked away from her. I'm told many of my co-workers called in about the schedule rotation last week so they could be prepared for this week. I should have done the same thing. It occured to me that I am just too nice to people, that I have always been the one to give in at my job, keep the peace if you will. I just don't feel my co workers are the bitches some people make them out to be. We can all be bitches from time to time. So what! Going back to this "friend" of mine...I noticed a number of things about her that have become quite disturbing to me over the last few months. I have never been fond of those who have to kiss ass, or manipulate their way to the top of anything. When she said to me "you know how management is" I replied to her " you manipulated your way with them, now you don't know what to do?" Then came another pause.

I feel I was being a friend by telling her these things. You can't manipulate your way to through things and then cry like a baby when it blows up in your face, when you don't get your way. You grow balls, you have to wear them. When someone feels they have kissed enough ass that they can decide where they want to be at their job and when they want to work and the person whose ass they kissed punishes them for it, they then began to act childlike. This is why people do not like brown nosers. This is why arrogance is not attractive. This is why you don't burn bridges, the same people you shit on on the way up is the same people you need coming back down. I have been where no one wants to be in my workplace for the last 6 months. Now we rotate, and it is FAIR! I'm about being fair to others. We should all have a chance at making some good money. That is the problem President Obama is having right now with these fucking greedy Republicans, and the other unknown, fucking selfish ass rich people who don't wanna let anyone else make any money!

At any rate, I am happy with the decision I have made to treat others the way they treat me. I will be nice to those who are nice to me, but you will get a taste of your own medicine. Think twice when you think you've pulled the wool over someone's eyes, they might just want you to think you're winning.

TemperMentalArt

And Now I Know

I awoke this morning to the realization that I have fallen in love again. I have fallen in love with someone so beautiful, so pure. This someone is a true believer of love, a solid individual, a pillar of strength, a jack of all trades, a master of none; This someone has been there through thick and thin when I was down to my last dime, almost my last breath. When I was once lost and couldn't find my way this person helped me through. This someone was always steadfast in prayer. At times I really hated this person, I mean really hated...LOL! The open mind of this person, the flexibility, the ability to stay calm under pressure, the energy of this person, the ability this person has to light up a room with one smile... Damn. I have been so hard on this person when I shouldn't have been. I had given up on this person, didn't want to be apart of this person, didn't want to be any where near this person, couldn't talk to this person it would have defeated a purpose (made me crazy). This person has difficulty letting things go which I realized is simply because of how big their heart really is. This person cares about things on a grand scale, religion, politics, people...no matter the sex, color, creed, gender, etc., family life, children, marriage, sports, music, art, history, you name it they love it. So then I thought, what's wrong with this person? Is there anything wrong with a person who loves all things? Does that make them gullible or naive? Soft or a pushover? NO! Perhaps that is the problem with the world there just isn't enough love anymore. People would rather kill one another than see each other happy. How strong are you? Could you love someone enough to let them go and be happy if they don't want to be with you any more? Could you love yourself enough to walk away from someone you love if they truly aren't good for you, or are you someone who has to find out the hard way?

I am someone who had to find out the hard way. I am not ashamed to say that I was once upon a time with a man who was no good for me. He never harmed me physically but, I allowed him to indirectly pimp me. All I knew was that I loved him. When he lost his job, I held him down the way I thought a good woman should. I cooked, I cleaned, I paid the bills, I took care of his daughter, his brother, and sometimes his mother (if she needed it). Im told the things I did for him are things a wife does for a husband. I even went as far as to pawn my jewelry to save our apartment after he'd caused me to lose my job. When I think back on it, I allowed him to become complacent and comfortable. I lost everything. I share this with you because I have forgiven myself. I realized self preservation is the law of life. I share this with you because I have allowed myself to fall in love again. Perhaps if I loved this person all along, I would not have been in that predicament. I would never have made such mistakes. I don't regret going through the things I went through with that man because it made a woman out of me. It brought the black woman out of me (strength, courage, and wisdom). It prepared me for my future. I have a real man now, so his actions tell me. I have fallen in love again...I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE AGAIN...WITH ME!

Thank you Jesus for answering my prayers. I heard you father when you said, "how can you truly love someone when you don't love yourself, do you know how to love yourself...I'll show you". Thank you Jesus

"God's delays are not is denials" ~My Mom

Tempera Mental

TODAY, MY JOURNEY BACK TO FREEDOM

When will I stopped being an angry black woman? When will I stopped being so bitter? When will I learn to view things in a different light. I woke up this morning thinking of the people I admire the most, the people who make me feel ways I have never felt before. It starts with my love, James. James makes me feel I can and will do better, makes me feel that I am a pillar of strength even though I may be slightly mushy inside; he shows me that I am not crazy that I am what I have always been, a survivor. My friend Gene. Gene is thee most fabulous human being I know, and when I am around him I am my most confident, my most optimistic, my most strong. Tiffany. Tiffany became my muse, unbeknownst to me at the time I had blogged about how angry she makes me when she is right, and I swear that bitch is always right...thus making her one of my more trusted advisors. Muzik. I envy Muzik. To me she is the most beautiful woman I have ever known, inside and out. She in my opinion is a pillar of strength, she has a big heart and a wonderful personality which just draws you in, a talented woman with energy which lights up any room, optimistic, educated, friendly and open minded. I envy Muzik because she is who I used to be.

Some years ago while living in New York I became an exotic dancer at a club in Queens called Scandals (at that time). I was heavily into drugs. I was completely lost as I now understand. I was on top of the world. I was in school for acting, I was modeling, I had friends and many doors were opening. I was already a bartender at this time, I just wasn't bartending. I was too consumed by fast life and fast money, thinking I knew it all, thinking I was already a superstar because I had found things that I'd never had...friends, people who I felt loved me, attention, true artistry(i.e. work as an actor and a model). A man had been coming to see me at Scandals for some time, always spending large amounts of money on me to the point where I became a "big shot" in Scandals, I was equated with "a money night" for everyone when I came to work. Naturally as most strippers do, I became acquainted with my biggest tipper. He had been asking me out for quite some time. Deep down inside something always said he was trouble, it was more of a eerie feeling whenever I would see him; I was so free-spirited and full of life back then that I didn't judge people by the way they look or how I felt around them, I gave all a chance. Eventually I gave in to what would be the biggest mistake of my life. I'd like to take this moment to thank God for my praying Mother and Grandmother, their prayers may have very well saved my life. Lord knows I wasn't praying at all, I leaned way into my own understanding. Having said that, this was the biggest mistake of my life.

His name was Joe, I never got a last name. He gave me what I thought to be exctasy once we left the club one night. Next thing I knew I was in a hotel in New Jersey, in a jacuzzi tub of hot water. He asked me questions "Are there people who care about you", "if something happened to you, would someone be hurt?" Because these questions seemed rhetorical to me, I knew immediately that I was in danger. After every question he would cup his hands a lift water over his head in the form of a ritual or so it seemed. A chill fell down my spine. It is remarkably sobering when you know you are about to die. I backed out of the tub slowly but surely, I never took my eyes off of him. I was naked. The room wasn't too big, I made it to the door. I asked him to throw me my clothes. He threw them just far enough to the side that I would have to take my eyes off of him to get them, that I would be just far enough that Id have to reach for the door if he charged at me. This is when I began to pray, at that moment I remembered my grandmother forcing me to memorize the 23rd Psalm as a child. I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death. The fear was still there, but I knew God was with me. I reached for my clothes as fast as I could and was out that door in the blink of an eye. I ran as fast as I could to the nearest exit which was a stairwell at the end of the hall. I saw a house keeper, I kept running. The same woman appeared a floor below (don't ask me how) with a frightening grin on her face. I ended up exiting the hotel around the back of the building, I ran to the front noticing there was nothing around but trees and dumpsters; the hotel was in a culdesac. There was a main road at the top of the hill, I could see cars passing. When I got into the lobby, I asked the front desk clerk for a number for a taxi to which she replied "taxi's don't come around here". I began to feel more fear, they were in collusion. She wouldn't even tell me where I was. I ran to the top of the hill. A few moments later, Joe came to the top of the hill in his car, my things were in the back seat (shoe, purse, keys, etc.) I remembered that one of my shoes had a really sharp heel on it. I opened the car door, got the shoe before entering and held it to his throat from the back seat, I told him "take me home now, if you go any where other than the direction of manhattan you die first". It was all I could do. I haven't been the same since.

I shared that story with you because we all make mistakes, we are all human beings, don't let anything consume you to the point where it becomes anger, hatred, or bitterness towards people or the world. You must forgive, you must start all over again, you let go and let God, you must say thank you for what you DO have, what you never lost, and what you will gain from the experience. That man tried to kill me, essentially he did. He was able to get to me because there was two things I didn't have...God, and a significant other. I was running wild in NYC and it was obvious. I have forgiven him. Today, I have friends again. Today, I have a signigicant other. Today, I can admit my faults. Today I pray without ceasing, today I know that this is my journey back to who I used to be, a work in progress...my journey back to freedom.