I'm Happy

It is always difficult for me to blog when I am happy and everything seems right. I'm seem to be at my best when I am angry or slightly vexed about something hence the name Temperamental. I can't bring myself to comment on the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman travesty, nor can I comment on why men feel like they can tell a woman to "Act like a lady, Think like a man". At any rate, I am simply happy. By the grace of God I have everything I need at this very moment and I'm happy. If I died today, I can say that the only thing I haven't done is have children and a marriage. I have lived, I have laughed, I have loved. The best part is, it isn't over yet. My life is in fact just beginning. I wish the best for everyone. I wish my happiness for those whom I love, people I know and don't know. I want you to be happy and blessed and free spirited. I want you all to learn to love one another, to coexist peacefully, as I do with those around me. It's not as hard as it may seem, or as difficult as many people make it out to be. Of course education is the key, along with limiting the amount of news you watch. They never show anything good, the media makes the world seem to be something that it is not. I remember there was once a newspaper which printed only the good news. They eventually went out of business, people didn't want to know about good news. If that isn't sad, I don't know what is. My point to all of this is, if you can accept that you won't be able to understand everything, stop judging others and stop worrying about how you look in front of other people your world can be a better place. Of course I'm reaching by evening thinking it is possible for us to coexist peacefully, but I am the change I seek so I am happy knowing that it has started somewhere. I digress. I'm happy a shit! LOL! Join me. God speed.

Tempera Mental

Pretention

It is amazing to me the amount of people I have come across who do not know who they are. I have never seen so many people do so much to impress so many people who do not give two shits about them. I know people right now who are in debt just so they can push a benz to places that have celebrity citings on a regular bases. There are people who go broke trying to keep up with The Kardashians. Yes it's no longer The Jones'. The real question is what are they afraid of? What is this need for material that is so important to them? Why if they work someplace less than reputable can't they tell their friends about it? It might then occur to them that they don't have any friends at all. I don't care who does or doesn't like me, because I like me, as a matter fact I looooovvvveeee me! I wouldn't trade being me for anything in the world. I wouldn't trade my 2000 Ford Taurus with her 180,000 miles for a benz and fake friends. I wouldn't trade true love, for some baller who cheats on me and leaves me at home alone crying all the time just so I can be seen in Louboutin's around my fake friends. True wealth doesn't come in the form of a check! True wealth does not come in the form of material things. True wealth is in having a relationship with your God, having a family who truly loves you! Do you know that family doesn't have to be related to you? Family can be your closest friends, how beautiful is that? How beautiful is it to have a complete stranger become someone who you can actually call upon in a time of need? How beautiful is it to have a complete stranger become the person who will bail your ass out of jail, not judge or hold it against you, but uplift you and help you through? My point to all of this is ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE! Now, in an effort to understand these individuals, I will accept the fact that they may very well know who they are and pretentious is in fact who they are, then one day they wake up...old (which is 30 to them). I simply feel that the only people that have to put on airs are famous people, but that is only their job. I love to read tabloid magazines simply because they show famous people behind the scenes. They take off their make-up, they pick-up their dry cleaning, they go to the grocery store, they even walk their dogs...Who knew?! LOL! I understand this is the world we live in, but good grief! All that pretending must weigh heavily on the soul at some point.

Tempera Mental

LOVE (Part II)

I awoke on this beautiful morning wondering if I really wanted to blog on this most special of days. Many who know me will tell you, I love to a fault. I am a true believer that love conquers all. There aren't many people in the world who understand what love truly is or even what love is about. Many of you are under the impression that love can be bought. Many of you use the term love about as loosely as saying hello. Are you someone who feels you know truly what love is? Do you truly understand the one whom you claim to love? Do you make an effort to understand things they have gone through (without judgement)? Do you comprise? Are you self less in your love for that person? Is your relationship one-sided because you're "Queen B", or "The Man"? Do you judge someone else's love as being ridiculous, because they do what is supposed to be done in the name of love? Perhaps you don't want to look weak in front of your boys, or perhaps you need to stop listening to nagging, jealous ass females who are pissed that you are the only woman they know with a good man. By good man I mean one that a woman doesn't have to take care of, one that doesn't have to be told what to do (i.e. opening the car door), one that understands when a woman needs money it's for necessities not the new Gucci bag, one that brings home flowers...just because. This of course works both ways, you need to be a good woman. By good woman I mean shut the fuck up! By good woman I mean cook something, clean the house, let him go out with his boys and have some fucking fun if he wants to! Rub his feet. Let him tell you he'd like a damn three-some, and be confident within yourself to say whether or not you are okay with that. Love him when he is down on his luck, let him know that he is still loved, needed, desired, and that you have got his back and that you are strong for the both of you! That is what I call being his woman. Having said that, I will say this, I have not read Steve Harvey's book Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. I am embarrassed as a woman that a book like this HAD to be written. It's truly sad that many of you bitches had absolutely no clue until that book came along. It's so sad they are making a movie about it. I digress.

This is by far the hardest blog I have ever had to write. So many of you just don't know what love is. Love is about sharing. Love is about compromise. Love is about honesty, loyalty, commitment. When you fall down, get back up. I know it is easier said than done. I have been there, and for those of you who haven't I pray you never know what it feels like to have to pick yourself back up. If that love was real, there is nothing that can get you out of that hump for some time. When I blog, I blog from experience. I have been hit by a man, I have taken care of a man (and his family), I have been loyal to a fault, I have been the other woman (I'm ashamed to say). When moments in love like these arise, that is the time to remember how much you love yourself. You should always love yourself, but sometimes as human beings do, we forget. :o) Damn, I didn't want to go here on Valentine's Day, but I had to. To share with you all that in spite of all that I have been through, I now have true love. Do I mean it's easy? Of course not, but it's understanding, loving, compromising, honest, extraordinary, peaceful, friendly, loyal, and unconditional. And I deserve it. Realize what you deserve! If you have a good woman, hold on to her. If you have a good man, hold on to him. If you see someone that makes you want to cheat, realize that nothing will ever come of it but heartache and pain, for what a few moments in the sack? It's just not worth it. That's goes doubly for those of you who are married. Take yo ass home to that person, you inconsiderate bastard. LOL!

Tempera Mental


"Because the greatest love of all, is easy to achieve. Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all" ~Whitney Houston (1963-2012)

HELP ONE ANOTHER 2 LOVE ONE ANOTHER

What do you do when you have trouble getting past all of the wrong that has been done to you? What do you do when you can only hope certain things don't happen again, a broken heart, infidelity, or when the bond of trust has been broken for example? What do you do when the heart weighs heavy out of fear? What do you do when you feel less than worthy or as though you aren't living up to your full potential? It's only natural to pray and have faith and believe, which is what I do. Still, I have feelings of guilt over decisions I have made, over things that I have allowed to happen to me, things that I have done. I share with you today because I know that I am not the only one. I simply happen to have the courage to share it with others. I don't have fear in that aspect. I am honest because I am just as human as those of you who pretend you aren't. I suppose people are afraid to show who they really are to the world. Perhaps they don't feel they could withstand the scrutiny of raised eyebrows. I really don't know if I could myself. I do however feel that my honesty and realism set me apart from many. There are many things that can be attributed to our mishaps, misgivings, and/or misunderstandings. We are all so quick to pass judgment on the things we do not understand about one another. This is something we must change, but of course it is easier said than done. My point is, it's okay to be human. It's okay to have feelings. It's okay to feel the way you feel. We all feel the way you feel. We all have things that we missed out on, things we should have, could have, would have had had it not been for someone else's feelings, had it not been for our own bad decisions, had it not been for what our parents did or didn't teach us, parents who weren't there, selfishness and many other incomprehensible things. The beautiful thing is tomorrow is a new day. As long as there is life there is hope. Tomorrow affords us the beautiful luxury of beginning anew. A new you. You can't change the pass, but you can change your future. If you have wronged someone apologize. If you want to kill someone, put down the gun and put up your dukes, live to see another day, respect each other after the fight and let it go! One must give respect, to get respect! There is nothing attractive about arrogance or belittling others to make yourself feel better, to hide who you really are. STOP JUDGING ONE ANOTHER! No, muslims are not all terrorists! Think about it. No where in the Q'uaran do the words Holy and War appear together. Just because someone is gay doesn't mean they are going to hell, God loves all! He is a wonderful God. I digress. It is easier for some of us to let go of things. Try and understand why it is so difficult for many of us who have trouble letting go. Again I say instead of passing judgment HELP ONE ANOTHER, LOVE ONE ANOTHER. I know it's hard. Many of us feel threatened by one another. Beautiful women are sometimes threatened by other beautiful women, it happens. Broke men are threatened by men with means, it happens. The way to cope with that is confidence in the beautiful creature that God made you to be. And just like that you will answer your own questions. Just take a look in the mirror at the beauty that is you, no matter how different. Yours, mine, our difference is a beautiful thing. HELP ONE ANOTHER 2 LOVE ONE ANOTHER!

Tempera Mental Artist

And Then The Phone Rang

On this day 2001 my life changed forever. I was laying in bed with my boyfriend at the time who was telling me the story of his father's murder in the Dominican Republic. The phone rang, it was my mother. The first 5 days of 2001 had been amongst the happiest days of my life I had fallen in love with my friend (which I don't believe was a mistake). I had decided I wanted to become an actor. My father was a great actor who always believed in my talent, not because I was his little girl but because he felt I had actual talent. I used to put on shows for my dad in our living room, always something from an Eddie Murphy film. I love Eddie Murphy still. The phone rang, it was my mother. I can't say that my father was the world's greatest dad, but he was my father. I can't say he didn't have a drug problem, I can't say he was always faithful to my mother, or my sister's mother, or my brother's mother, I can't even say he was a provider, but he was my father! At least he was there for one of us. In 2000 we were just really becoming a family. By becoming a family I mean that I was in Newark, New Jersey with my sister, my brother, my nephew, my father, and my best friend Mikki. My father had to withdraw money from the ATM, he had given us all money, even my best friend saying and I quote "I don't know you, but you get some too". Then the phone rang, it was my mother. My mother and father were together some 25 years. It would have been nice to have my siblings there with me. We all look like we came from my mother any way. LOL! My father went back to Newark to take care of what was left of his side of the family. My paternal side all past within an 11 year time frame. My aunt Jerry, aunt Larry-Ann, my Grandma, Great-Grandma, GrandFather, aunt Sheila, every fucking body died! Then the phone rang. I can't begin to go anymore indepth into this than what I already have, otherwise I won't be able to stop crying. When I spoke to my father on Christmas Eve 2000, he was in great spirits. I told him that I was happy and safe and with my boyfriend. He told me he loved me and I said "I love you to daddy". My boyfriend at the time and I lay in bed; he says "my father was murdered" (his father) and then the phone rang. He answered the phone to what sounded like a crank caller speaking in a language he'd never heard, he hung up the phone. The phone rang again, this time a much clearer though insanely stressed voice screamed out "he's gone"! My boyfriend got up out of the bed facing the wall for a minute. I got up on the other side of the bed and stood facing him. He turned around with tears in his eyes. I knew immediately that someone had died. I said "is it my mother?", he said no. I said "is it my uncle GG"? He said, no. It was the way he said no the second time that shot arrows through my heart. The no was as if he knew he was about to die and didn't want to go. He then said "It's your father". I froze. He dropped the phone and came to hold me. I told him to get away from me. I fell to the floor in that house crying against a wall for about 3 minutes (literally). I then realized I had to pull myself together for my mother's sake. I ran out the door. I did 120 mph getting to my mother. I was 30 minutes away, I was there in less than 15. The love my parents had for each other is that of what you see in fairytales, in movies. I don't know how or why people say love like that is impossible or unreal. It is very real. I have witnessed it. I pulled myself to my feet and got to my mother. If my mother were not a Christian she'd have killed herself just to be with him again. I had to get to my mother. When I arrived at the house I walked in to my mother standing on the landing of the staircase with a joint in one hand and the other on her heart. My doesn't do drugs but she was completely inconsolable. She had to smoke something. Wouldn't you? We have a sister we have never met. Her mother wouldn't even bring her to the funeral. She was about 3 years old when our father died. I wonder if she even knows we exist? I wonder if she knows we are looking for her? I wonder if she knows we all look alike. I don't even know her mothers' last name. I can't keep writing. Just wanted to share with you all. I must go now otherwise I'll cry all day. Thank you for your time.

Tempera Mental

Baby Steps

Now is a time to heal, forgive, forget and let go. There are things that I have held on to for far to long. Like you, I am human. I have feelings and emotional instabilities, skeletons, etc. It's apart of who we are. We all have secrets and that's okay. It's okay to keep apart of you just that; a part of you. I believe that is the problem that many famous people can't cope with; everybody knows everything about them. That can be a head ache for any one. It's equal to giving someone space in a marriage. It's something we all need. Take time just as I have, to seek peace, heal your wounds, forgive those who have wronged you no matter how difficult it may be. Move on. Forget about your past and move towards accepting your beautiful and bright future. Let go, let go, LET IT GO! I had to write that just now, perhaps some one needs it as I no longer do. I have forgiven myself for not understanding that self preservation is the law of life at a time when I needed to know it the most. I have now let it go. Had I not been able to let it go and forgive myself I wouldn't be where I am today, nor as happy. I realize things are easier said than done, hell there are in fact things I'm still having trouble coping with, I say again that's okay. Baby steps are okay! Babies eventually take off running. So take all the time you need just make sure that that time leads to stability, sanity, faith, belief, preservation, confidence, strength, courage, and wisdom. To err is human, to forgive is devine. Let go and let God!

Tempera Mental

NOT JUST ANOTHER NEW YEAR!

Today I have accepted the fact that God has offered me a new beginning. New beginnings are not something that come often. Just so we are clear I said God has offered me a new beginning, not a new year. A new year is just that. A new beginning is a new life! Today I am happier than I have ever been, simply because of my faith in God. I have been blessed with the opportunity to start with a new job, a new school (and major), a new city, a man who loves me, a new apartment, even a new gym membership! I didn't realize it until yesterday. I realized I am not afraid of change any more. I realized I deserve this! And so do many of you. It's okay to go away from what you are accustomed to or what you think is "cool". One thing I noticed when I went away on military duty was that when I returned, the same people were there doing the same things. There is nothing cool about that. The party will always be there, the haters will always be there, the same headaches will always be there unless you accept the opportunities that God is trying to give you. Accept the new beginning that God is offering you and stop worrying about the people you arent going to see, the money you may not make, the partying you may not be able to do because in the long run..all you have is you! No one is going to love you better than you, take care of you better than you, do more for you than you can do for yourself. It's always surprising to me the things that many of us just cant let go of. The only thing I won't change is my friends. Those who actually have been a friend to me, not the haters who are only my friend when necessary. But those who's shoulder I can and have cried on, those who have presented themselves as worthy of the title of friend. A friend doesn't hate on you, turn on you, get jealous of you, try and have power over you or laugh at you. A friend supports you. A friend doesn't get angry or envious when someone else wants your attention (i.e. a potential significant other). A friend doesn't hesitate when you need help. A friend uplifts you, supports you and let's you know when you are wrong. I am greatful to have a few, and I mean few of those. So, I'll say again for me this is a new beginning, not just a new year. And if you are considering this simply a New Year then you may want to reevaluate where you want to be in life and what is important to you. Make a plan for your future, like I did because we aren't going to be young forever. Have a new beginning not just a another new year.

Tempera Mental