COEXIST (It is possible)

I went back and read some of my old blogs. It is quite interesting, to say the least. Perhaps I should be as Walt Whitman and write glowing reviews of my own work in some noted newspaper. Haven't had the time to blog as often as I'd like. I have spent the last three months in school studying Poetry and American Literature. Some interesting things have taken place in this country since the first "Thanksgiving". The students in my American Literature class are beautiful creatures. We each have our own uniqueness that in my opinion makes the world a better place. We are all shades of the rainbow. We are Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Atheist, Agnostic, and Catholic. We are from all walks of life. We are rich, middle class, and poor. We range in age from 16-40. We all love each other and get along famously. What does this say about the world we live in? Going by what I see on the news everyday my classmates should be at war with one another. This class is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. We have all stood together as a democracy against our teacher and won what we wanted. We have openly discussed our differences, accepted and understood those differences and shook hands after the fact. Again I ask, what does this say about the world we live in? It says to me that in spite of all that we do not understand or condone about one another, there is still hope. Hope for peace and love in this crazy world. Sometimes I wish our class could be televised (unbeknownst to us of course) so that people the world over could see that there is no reason why we all can't just get along. NO REASON AT ALL!


Tempera Mental

IF IT WERE UP TO ME (A repetition poem)

If it were up to me, health care would be free

If it were up to me, there would be no need for war

If it were up to me, there would be capital punishment in my country

If it were up to me, the rich would have to walk a mile in a poor man's shoes

If it were up to me, I'd have my 40 acres and a mule

If it were up to me, we would be able to accept each other's differences

If it were up to me, there would be no incurable diseases

If it were up to me, the presidency could not be bought

If it were up to me, women would be treated as equals in all cultures

If it were up to me, children would be free of sexual predators

If it were up to me, skin color would not matter

If it were up to me, sexual preference would not matter

If it were up to me, church would be a safe haven

If it were up to me, there would be as many attractive men as there are women

If it were up to me, competition would be none

If it were up to me, boxing would still be a great sport

If it were up to me, today's music would require some kind of talent

If it were up to me, friendship would mean something

If it were up to me, people would keep their word

If it were up to me, military veterans would be tax free and never without

If it were up to me, the judicial system would be righteous

If it were up to me, African Americans would be treated as equals

If it were up to me, women would be meaningful pursuits as opposed to objects

If it were up to me, men would have to give birth at some point

If it were up to me, pittbulls wouldn't get such a bad rap, their owners would

If it were up to me, parents would whoop their kids asses

If it were up to me, high schools would have classes that actually teach about life

If it were up to me, all teachers would give a damn, not just some

If it were up to me, I'd go on and on with this

But it isn't up to me, is it!?


Thank you for reading,
Tempera Mental

GOOD MORNING

How beautiful is morning? The air is crisp and it is quiet, peaceful. The sound of birds chirping from my window lets me

know that God has given many of us another day. A second chance at life is all many of us need. The sun has peeked over the

roof of the home across the street, directly into my eye it shines. Thank you Jesus! It is only the middle of the week and so

much has happened; chess moves have been made, deals have been closed or broken, some new actor will get his or her

big break, friends have become enemies, people will become criminals today, minds will change, love will endure, love

will destroy, love will pop the question. There is so much happening at this very moment, in this morning as on every

morning. Oh how I love morning! I open my eyes and say Thank you Jesus. Someday I will be able to open my eyes

every morning in the arms of the man I love at which time I will say, Thank you Jesus. Every morning I wake up I am

humbled, greatful, thankful, for the micro moment I am at peace.


Tempera Mental

YOU PEOPLE, US (A Poem for Change)

It can't even bring you happiness

You love it so much

You will kill for it

You will steal for it

Sacrifice your soul for it

Sacrifice your dignity

Sacrifice your morals

The man that you are

The woman that you think you are

You weren't even born with it

Silver spoon you say?

The person feeding you is just nice enough to share

Why can't you?

Why are my taxes higher?

Why are you so mean?

You have good insurance

You have a nice house

You have a nice car

You have nice clothes

You have food on your table

WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN

WHY ARE YOU SO SELFISH

WHY ARE YOU SO GREEDY

Mom he isn't rich

I want to be with him....

I WANT TO BEEE with him!

WHY CAN'T I BE?

Dad he isn't the same color

I want to be with him

WHY CAN'T I BE?

WHY ARE YOU SO IGNORANT?

2500 PEOPLE!!!

NOW we have added security?

He or she is Muslim

SO WHAT

He or she is gay

SO WHAT

He or she is black

SO WHAT

She is a porn star

SO WHAT

Did you go to law school?!

Are you presiding!?

You can't even mind your own business

You sensationalize

You advertise

You immortalize

That which does not matter

I don't have enough paper

I don't have enough time

I don't have enough brain

So much needs to be changed

Start with who you are

Who you want to be

Who you have become

Look around

Prayer is free

True love is free

Random acts of kindness are free

And for the record....

So is recycling ;0)

A Temperamental Artist

Self Preservation

Im told self preservation is the law of life, but to what extent? Self preservation can cause one to hurt others. When is self preservation wrong? Is it wrong in team efforts? Is it wrong where friends are present? What happens when you are a nice person to others, selfless in most instances? I have always been the nice one, the one who isn't selfish. Now that I have decided to care about me, shit is hitting the fan. Now Im being told that Im "selfish", that I should have thought about this and that first before I did what I did. This came from someone who claimed to be my friend. This is the simplest of things. This person and I work together on a rotating shift with others. We were all confused about this weeks schedule. I showed up to work for the opening shift at which point my boss said I was not supposed to be there. My boss then told me to hold on while he would call the GM and my friend. I was told to work. When my friend showed up at the wrong time (like I did) later on in the day, she was upset I didn't call her. I explained to her that I didn't call her because management said they would call her. This is when she said "I thought we were friends". I feel I did what I was supposed to do which is what management said, work.

Oddly enough I don't feel I am wrong. I don't feel I owe her an apology. I actually feel better about doing what I am supposed to do to make my life easier. The first thing that came out of my mouth to her was "have I ever let you down?" "If the shoe were on the other foot, would you have called me?" there was a pause. She blamed it all on me. I walked away from her. I'm told many of my co-workers called in about the schedule rotation last week so they could be prepared for this week. I should have done the same thing. It occured to me that I am just too nice to people, that I have always been the one to give in at my job, keep the peace if you will. I just don't feel my co workers are the bitches some people make them out to be. We can all be bitches from time to time. So what! Going back to this "friend" of mine...I noticed a number of things about her that have become quite disturbing to me over the last few months. I have never been fond of those who have to kiss ass, or manipulate their way to the top of anything. When she said to me "you know how management is" I replied to her " you manipulated your way with them, now you don't know what to do?" Then came another pause.

I feel I was being a friend by telling her these things. You can't manipulate your way to through things and then cry like a baby when it blows up in your face, when you don't get your way. You grow balls, you have to wear them. When someone feels they have kissed enough ass that they can decide where they want to be at their job and when they want to work and the person whose ass they kissed punishes them for it, they then began to act childlike. This is why people do not like brown nosers. This is why arrogance is not attractive. This is why you don't burn bridges, the same people you shit on on the way up is the same people you need coming back down. I have been where no one wants to be in my workplace for the last 6 months. Now we rotate, and it is FAIR! I'm about being fair to others. We should all have a chance at making some good money. That is the problem President Obama is having right now with these fucking greedy Republicans, and the other unknown, fucking selfish ass rich people who don't wanna let anyone else make any money!

At any rate, I am happy with the decision I have made to treat others the way they treat me. I will be nice to those who are nice to me, but you will get a taste of your own medicine. Think twice when you think you've pulled the wool over someone's eyes, they might just want you to think you're winning.

TemperMentalArt

And Now I Know

I awoke this morning to the realization that I have fallen in love again. I have fallen in love with someone so beautiful, so pure. This someone is a true believer of love, a solid individual, a pillar of strength, a jack of all trades, a master of none; This someone has been there through thick and thin when I was down to my last dime, almost my last breath. When I was once lost and couldn't find my way this person helped me through. This someone was always steadfast in prayer. At times I really hated this person, I mean really hated...LOL! The open mind of this person, the flexibility, the ability to stay calm under pressure, the energy of this person, the ability this person has to light up a room with one smile... Damn. I have been so hard on this person when I shouldn't have been. I had given up on this person, didn't want to be apart of this person, didn't want to be any where near this person, couldn't talk to this person it would have defeated a purpose (made me crazy). This person has difficulty letting things go which I realized is simply because of how big their heart really is. This person cares about things on a grand scale, religion, politics, people...no matter the sex, color, creed, gender, etc., family life, children, marriage, sports, music, art, history, you name it they love it. So then I thought, what's wrong with this person? Is there anything wrong with a person who loves all things? Does that make them gullible or naive? Soft or a pushover? NO! Perhaps that is the problem with the world there just isn't enough love anymore. People would rather kill one another than see each other happy. How strong are you? Could you love someone enough to let them go and be happy if they don't want to be with you any more? Could you love yourself enough to walk away from someone you love if they truly aren't good for you, or are you someone who has to find out the hard way?

I am someone who had to find out the hard way. I am not ashamed to say that I was once upon a time with a man who was no good for me. He never harmed me physically but, I allowed him to indirectly pimp me. All I knew was that I loved him. When he lost his job, I held him down the way I thought a good woman should. I cooked, I cleaned, I paid the bills, I took care of his daughter, his brother, and sometimes his mother (if she needed it). Im told the things I did for him are things a wife does for a husband. I even went as far as to pawn my jewelry to save our apartment after he'd caused me to lose my job. When I think back on it, I allowed him to become complacent and comfortable. I lost everything. I share this with you because I have forgiven myself. I realized self preservation is the law of life. I share this with you because I have allowed myself to fall in love again. Perhaps if I loved this person all along, I would not have been in that predicament. I would never have made such mistakes. I don't regret going through the things I went through with that man because it made a woman out of me. It brought the black woman out of me (strength, courage, and wisdom). It prepared me for my future. I have a real man now, so his actions tell me. I have fallen in love again...I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE AGAIN...WITH ME!

Thank you Jesus for answering my prayers. I heard you father when you said, "how can you truly love someone when you don't love yourself, do you know how to love yourself...I'll show you". Thank you Jesus

"God's delays are not is denials" ~My Mom

Tempera Mental

TODAY, MY JOURNEY BACK TO FREEDOM

When will I stopped being an angry black woman? When will I stopped being so bitter? When will I learn to view things in a different light. I woke up this morning thinking of the people I admire the most, the people who make me feel ways I have never felt before. It starts with my love, James. James makes me feel I can and will do better, makes me feel that I am a pillar of strength even though I may be slightly mushy inside; he shows me that I am not crazy that I am what I have always been, a survivor. My friend Gene. Gene is thee most fabulous human being I know, and when I am around him I am my most confident, my most optimistic, my most strong. Tiffany. Tiffany became my muse, unbeknownst to me at the time I had blogged about how angry she makes me when she is right, and I swear that bitch is always right...thus making her one of my more trusted advisors. Muzik. I envy Muzik. To me she is the most beautiful woman I have ever known, inside and out. She in my opinion is a pillar of strength, she has a big heart and a wonderful personality which just draws you in, a talented woman with energy which lights up any room, optimistic, educated, friendly and open minded. I envy Muzik because she is who I used to be.

Some years ago while living in New York I became an exotic dancer at a club in Queens called Scandals (at that time). I was heavily into drugs. I was completely lost as I now understand. I was on top of the world. I was in school for acting, I was modeling, I had friends and many doors were opening. I was already a bartender at this time, I just wasn't bartending. I was too consumed by fast life and fast money, thinking I knew it all, thinking I was already a superstar because I had found things that I'd never had...friends, people who I felt loved me, attention, true artistry(i.e. work as an actor and a model). A man had been coming to see me at Scandals for some time, always spending large amounts of money on me to the point where I became a "big shot" in Scandals, I was equated with "a money night" for everyone when I came to work. Naturally as most strippers do, I became acquainted with my biggest tipper. He had been asking me out for quite some time. Deep down inside something always said he was trouble, it was more of a eerie feeling whenever I would see him; I was so free-spirited and full of life back then that I didn't judge people by the way they look or how I felt around them, I gave all a chance. Eventually I gave in to what would be the biggest mistake of my life. I'd like to take this moment to thank God for my praying Mother and Grandmother, their prayers may have very well saved my life. Lord knows I wasn't praying at all, I leaned way into my own understanding. Having said that, this was the biggest mistake of my life.

His name was Joe, I never got a last name. He gave me what I thought to be exctasy once we left the club one night. Next thing I knew I was in a hotel in New Jersey, in a jacuzzi tub of hot water. He asked me questions "Are there people who care about you", "if something happened to you, would someone be hurt?" Because these questions seemed rhetorical to me, I knew immediately that I was in danger. After every question he would cup his hands a lift water over his head in the form of a ritual or so it seemed. A chill fell down my spine. It is remarkably sobering when you know you are about to die. I backed out of the tub slowly but surely, I never took my eyes off of him. I was naked. The room wasn't too big, I made it to the door. I asked him to throw me my clothes. He threw them just far enough to the side that I would have to take my eyes off of him to get them, that I would be just far enough that Id have to reach for the door if he charged at me. This is when I began to pray, at that moment I remembered my grandmother forcing me to memorize the 23rd Psalm as a child. I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death. The fear was still there, but I knew God was with me. I reached for my clothes as fast as I could and was out that door in the blink of an eye. I ran as fast as I could to the nearest exit which was a stairwell at the end of the hall. I saw a house keeper, I kept running. The same woman appeared a floor below (don't ask me how) with a frightening grin on her face. I ended up exiting the hotel around the back of the building, I ran to the front noticing there was nothing around but trees and dumpsters; the hotel was in a culdesac. There was a main road at the top of the hill, I could see cars passing. When I got into the lobby, I asked the front desk clerk for a number for a taxi to which she replied "taxi's don't come around here". I began to feel more fear, they were in collusion. She wouldn't even tell me where I was. I ran to the top of the hill. A few moments later, Joe came to the top of the hill in his car, my things were in the back seat (shoe, purse, keys, etc.) I remembered that one of my shoes had a really sharp heel on it. I opened the car door, got the shoe before entering and held it to his throat from the back seat, I told him "take me home now, if you go any where other than the direction of manhattan you die first". It was all I could do. I haven't been the same since.

I shared that story with you because we all make mistakes, we are all human beings, don't let anything consume you to the point where it becomes anger, hatred, or bitterness towards people or the world. You must forgive, you must start all over again, you let go and let God, you must say thank you for what you DO have, what you never lost, and what you will gain from the experience. That man tried to kill me, essentially he did. He was able to get to me because there was two things I didn't have...God, and a significant other. I was running wild in NYC and it was obvious. I have forgiven him. Today, I have friends again. Today, I have a signigicant other. Today, I can admit my faults. Today I pray without ceasing, today I know that this is my journey back to who I used to be, a work in progress...my journey back to freedom.

You Are No Saint

Ya know, I really dont get why reality is so hard for some people to grasp. I hate when people bitch about others behavior when they are no fucking saint. I just read on Facebook about a guy who has a problem with the fact that he saw a woman sitting with her legs open with shorts on. Appartently this is a problem. How exactly? He feels that this is the problem in the world, that this is why little girls do what they do. Fuck that! The problem is judgemental individuals who feel there point of view is correct. You mean to tell me that you are going to lose sleep over a woman sitting as she pleases. Who gives a fuck what you think? She's probably comfortable, she's probably married and had sex with her husband all night and it was so hard and good that it hurts, for the moment, to close her legs...LOL! Imagine that. He says children mimic there parents behavior, oh really?! So what's up with the preacher's kids? They don't seem to follow in there parents footsteps now do they? I know someone who was raised by two gay men, he isn't gay. My mother is a professional singer, I can sing, I just don't. My point is don't be so quick to judge. Judge a man by the content of his character, don't just assume you've got it all figured out, because you don't and if you did, bloggers such as myself wouldn't have to waste time trying to prove a point.

Even Though We'd Like To Bitch About it

"Be still and know that I am God", "Be kind to your enemy, in doing so you will reap coals of fire upon their head", "What would Jesus do?"...These are all quotations that come to mind when I want to bitch about certain changes that occur in my life. Change isn't always a bad thing; change isn't always difficult. What is difficult, is the acceptance of change when you've become so used to a certain way of life. So, on my journey back to freedom, I choose to look at change as the greatness that is becoming my future. "Walk by faith not by sight" is something we must all do when change is forced upon us. I suppose I am "bitching" by writing this blog, but this is a more acceptable form. It's how you do what you do. One must always be optimistic, one must always try and see the bright side of things. When you lose one thing and gain something else is that a bad thing because it isn't what you wanted, but what God gave you? How about if you regain what you lost and get to keep the something new that you gained, would you still say change is a bad thing? Of course not. I wouldn't. Then again there are some of you out there who are insanely ungreatful and would still bitch. When God gives you a new lease on life, a chance, an opportunity, a way to succeed, a way to keep your sanity, say THANK YOU...even though we'd like to bitch about it.

Mental Temper

My Former Numbness

I began writing this particular blog on January 7th, 2011, it was originally entitled NUMB. For some reason I stopped. I guess I couldn't admit to myself that love wasn't meant for me because I had not known what a true love, a real love was/is. Since then I have met someone whom I consider to be the man of my dreams...that of course is another blog soon to come. I was once Numb, but now I am found...LOL! For your enjoyment

NUMB!

 I have always believed in love.  The power of love is all to consuming.  But why are we all affected differently by this phenomenon?  What are we all looking for? When you find what you are looking for, how are you affected by it?  Though I believe in love, I have become numb to its existence.  Contradictory you say? Not so much.  It exists, just maybe not for everyone.  For example, the love I dream of only exists in fairytales & movies...lol!   Or perhaps I just havent found anyone whose shit I a m willing to endure.  Maybe that is what true love is...dealing with someone inspite of their flaws.  For those of you who are lucky enough to get to be with the person they really want to be with ...God Bless Your Union.  Be good to each other because true love only comes once in a lifetime, it is something most of us will never have.

Temper Mental

You Thee Epiphany

While studying acting in New York, I noticed that many of my instructors stressed the importance of being aware of your presence around others. Knowing the effect you have on others can be a remarkably enlightening experience. You begin to noticed who your true friends are, which family members really believe in you, and those who you should attract to you. By the grace of God my eyes have been opened; people like me really do exist. People who are free spirited, people who don't judge, people who aren't angry or pretentious, people who plain and simply keep shit breezy.

I digress.

My point is once your are aware of your presence around others and you know for a fact who you really are, you become the you you are meant to be. A better you, a more potent you. A happy with self YOU. A shake even the most confident individuals, YOU. A make people afraid to come out of their shell, wish they made better choices, wish they had what you had YOU. At which point these individuals will become what we now know as Haters...LOL. They will pretend to know about what you know about to gain the attention of those around you, dress the way you dress, attempt the life you live, and while this is a huge compliment to you, watching them fail miserably is all too sweet. Stick to what you know. Just be you! A purely magnificent you.

Temper Mental

GIVE IT A REST

Maybe I have too much of a heart. What's with these fucking idiots who bitch about what they eat? "I don't eat pork, a pig has no pores", "I don't drink whole milk", "I don't eat anything that has a life"....You're an idiot and there are things in this world far greater than your fucking taste buds that truly matter. I have read the Quran and The Bible. Neither one of the higher beings are gonna send you to Hell for eating a pork chop! Would you starve yourself to death if pork was all you had to eat? Guess what asshole, you'd definitely go to Hell for suicide. I have been fortunate to travel abroad, I have seen a starving child. There is no way I could deny the abundance of food God has given the SELFISH when so many have absolutely nothing. I'm sorry but if you are one of these people you are selfish and stupid, for lack of better words. God bless those who will die today. If only they had a pork chop, or some fucking milk. :0(

The Temper Mental Artist

Ignorance is Bliss? (Part 1)

How do you help people see what life really has to offer? How do you explain the world they know nothing about? How do you help them understand that there is a way out of their unhappiness. If you try and teach someone ignorant, do your teachings fall on deaf ears? How do you help those who are a product of their environment? I know people from all walks of life and many of them are sad, hopeless, individuals who either don't know who they are or are afraid to be who they are! I say this because I have never been one for "when in Rome". I do as I Damn well please without regard for anyone else's judgement. This sometimes causes people to not want to be around me or even be my friend. I am like this simply because I am happy.

I'm trying to figure out a way to help people be themselves because I am so sick of seeing angry, bitter ass people many of whom are my own people....it would really bring a tear to your eye. That victim shit is overrated. That golddigger shit is overrated. Being a drug dealer or a fucking pimp is overrated.
Thinking that you have to have money to get a woman is just fucking stupid. But when you conform to what society deems as "the norm" you limit yourself completely.

The norm to many of you I'm ashamed to say is what you see in music videos, which in turn tells everyone else that you have no fucking imagination. Did it ever occur to you how hard these people have to work to get to the point of making a real music video? Many of you can't do it, wouldnt do it, and are not smart enough to do it. They'd put you in an outfit you think you don't look good in, you'll bitch about it and then no one will want to work with you and your dumb as will be mad at them.

Many of you need to stop hatin. Don't be mad at somebody who has what you want, be mad at yourself for not getting up off your ass and going to get your own goldmine. I hate seeing these idiots with gold teeth and dreadlocks trying to figure out why now reputable business will hire them. Hey dumbass, appearance is everything. Cut your fucking hair and take that shit out your mouth and you'll look better and have some legitimate money in your pocket; the kind of money that will keep you alive and out of jail. You'll even attract better women, clean women who get their hair done in salons as oppose to flea markets.  I don't even know why I'm writing this; most of the people who need to read this don't even read...if they did there would be no need for my writing this piece.  Cancel that last statement there are smart people out there who choose to be trifling, their unhappy as well. I've seen the beautiful ones step on the toes of others to get ahead, people they called their friends people they claimed to be cool with. Perhaps they just need attention, need to feel someone loves them. How sad, how hilariously sad. Who the hell is gonna love you when deep, deep, deep down inside you don't even love yourself. I could go on an on about this and eventually...I WILL.

Endure

I have found the joys of being faithful. It is not without difficulty. Monogamy is not something many people are capable of, especially in long distance relationships. When someone's actions speak louder than their words even at 1000 miles away, what does that say about that person's love for you? When you are tempted, do you stop and think about your significant other? What unfaithfulness might do to their heart, how it may affect their day (i.e. business important business deals, etc..) how it will affect the dynamics of your relationship (Trust is hard to get back)? Is one night of pleasure worth the MANY nights of joy with your significant other? Absolutely not! You must also remember that the person you cheat with will never care about you, their "love or care" will never be as genuine as the one you decided to be with. When you feel tempted, have you tried talking to your significant other about it? When you are tempted have you tried stepping away to call your significant other and say I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to be with you again? I have and it works wonders for your mind, body, and soul. It is also much easier to walk away from temptation because of technology these days. You have Skype, Facetime, Tango, Qik, plus so much more. Call, go to, or Facetime your significant other, hell tell them someone was attracted to you or you to someone, role play, get it off your chest...you will find, suprisingly, that you will only deepen the bond with the one you truly love.

Temper Mental

Wake Me Peacefully!

I must admit it can be a tad irritating when I am woken up the wrong way. As a matter of fact it can be down right maddening. For about 20 mins, if I am woke up the wrong way in the morning, there will be a wrinkle in my forehead and an aggressive tone in my voice. By the wrong way I mean the neighbor who mows the lawn at 730 in the morning on a Saturday, the construction workers who start at the same time as your ignorant ass lawn mowing neighbor; what about the telemarketer or bill collect who calls at 8 am on a Saturday?

While these things may seem minute to some of you, it is a huge frickin deal to me. Sleep is something that I value tremendously simply because of my exceeding busy schedule. Those who have no life are the ones asking "is it too early to call", um...YES! Clearly an appropriate time to call someone is when businesses open, which should also be the same time you mow your lawn, and have work done on your home, etc... For those of you who have nagging ass parents and/or siblings, God bless you. I would possibly slit my wrists if I woke up to a crying kid that isn't mine, the cops banging on the door looking for an idiot relative, arguing parents who should have divorced years ago, or a young brother or sister who is annoyingly angelic. Now, having said these things I will say this; If you aren't Jesus...DONT WAKE ME UP! LOL! Im just saying. Be courteous to others, especially those who need their rest, i.e. home makers, single moms, single dads (yes they exist), those who work nights, police officers, fire fighters, anyone who isn't your dumb ass...you know who you are!

Sometimes I wake up for no reason at all, 4 hours after I went to bed. Then I realize the reason is God wants me up early because he loves me. So I am greatful for that. I love when God allows me to open my eyes, which is everyday. I just want it to always be him, peacefully. Not him combined with inconsiderate humans..LOL! I just want to be woken up by my Lord and savior...Peacefully everyday. Is that too much to ask?

Temper Mental Artist

Bad Decisions

What do you feel when you don't know what to feel? How do you feel when you are afraid? Is it fear of the unknown or fear of making the same mistake twice...more than twice. It goes back to that old saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me". I'm told Samurai's would commit suicide when they were covered in shame. Is one ever too old to make mistakes? Are mistakes limitless? Are there different sets of mistakes for every age group? Is there anyone who has ever or will ever be able to go through life making all the right decisions? Would you listen to your parents? Would you remain a virgin until marriage? Would you make good grades in school, join the military right out of high school, go to college right after that because Uncle Sam is paying for it? Would you lease or buy your car? Would you get tattoos? Would you remember that self preservation is the law of life or would that be "selfish"? Who's to say that you haven't made the right decisions? It's all a matter of opinion I suppose. Your life when looked upon by others is a series of opinions on their part. Some will say you made good decisions many will say you completely fucked up! However, "he who is without sin, can cast the first stone". I am not proud of the decisions I have made, but my "bad decisions" got me to where I am now. I am more prayerful, happier, wiser,I have friends now, a real man now, I am stronger, a leader, determined...destined to win all because of my bad decisions... And for all of this I thank my God in heaven for my "bad" decisions

Temper Mental Artist

Selfish, Selflessness

I believe we must all become selfish at some point. While that may sound bad to some, I have realized that true generosity comes from having your shit together. When you have a good job, good home, good car, good friends, good credit, good savings account...etc; You can help people. Clearly this is only because you have helped yourself get to the ability of being able to help others. I have been remarkably selfless for quite sometime. I have always had a big heart.

When I was 13yrs old, I lived in Africa for 6 months with my mother. There was a little girl same age as I who lived in the village my mother and I were living in. I loved this girl, she was my best friend at the time, much like a sister. One day I saw that she had no shoes on her feet, I gave her my shoes. We were no where near my townhouse for me to get another pair for myself. My almost mother cried, not out of anger, but at how great she said that my heart is. When I was 21 my now dearest friend Dionne and I were working at the same club. Dionne was about 5'2", 98 lbs; Dionne was this gorgeous little barbie doll with a winning personality. One day I saw Dionne waiting outside for the bus and offered her a ride home. Because of the long hours her fiancee worked he could not come for her. While driving her home I noticed that she didn't live far from me, but I also noticed how dimly lit and wooded the path to her apartment complex was. The bus did not drop her off close enough for her to not have to walk down this path. She, in my opinion, was entirely too small and beautiful to be walking down this dark path every night, alone. I almost cried at the thought of someone possibly kidnapping or raping her or something to that effect. I offered to pick her up and take her home, every single day. We are the best of friend til this day.

3 years ago I gave my whole heart to someone and lost everything because of it. A new lesson was learned. I have now learned that self preservation is the law of life. For the first time in my life I am now thinking about me. It feels weird doing it, but it has to be done. I go to the gym now, I'm eating better, feeling better, and have returned to the church. This is when it is okay to be selfish. No one is going to take care of you but you. The world we live in affords one the luxury of taking care of oneself first above all. Now it is time to go for a better quality of life. I have provided so many with happiness that I have forgotten about myself. God has helped me catch this issue early in life, now I can move onward and upward. I have to take things about myself more seriously now. That's not to say that I'll be a bitch to someone in need, I'll just have to be more cautious about whom I help out, whom I give so much of myself to, and what I do for myself in the long run. When one takes better care of themselves one can then focus on bigger issues (i.e. world hunger, world disease, education, etc)...things that really matter.

Temper Mental Artist

Self Improve

There comes a time in one's life when one must improve. Improve physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually. There comes a time when one must open themself to recover from mistakes made. Having said that I will tell you of my efforts to improve. It began on New Year's Eve; On December 31st, 2010 I found myself in church. Talk about right place, right time, right people. Helluva way to begin the process of self improvement...as a matter of fact it's the perfect way to do so. From there I renewed my gym membership and slowed down my cigarette and alcohol intake. I have now found myself eating salads, soups, and sashimi....not bad for this soon to be "extra fabulous" young woman :-) Like my grandmother always says "prayer changes things", if only I'd have listened sooner. But as long as you have life you will always have a chance to better yourself. Trust that now is the time. If you wanna go back to school...GO! If you wanna go to the gym...GO! If you've wronged someone...MAKE AMMENDS! My point is now is the time to be the best you, the best me, we can be. Like Nike says "Just Do It". Good better best, never let it rest, until your good is better, and your better is best!

~Temper Mental

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

The Decisions We Make

How well are things thought through before decisions are made? Can one ever be truly certain the decision he or she made is the "right decision"? Admittedly I have made some DUMB decisions in my life, be that as it may I am a truly great person today because of those DUMB decisions. The decision to blog sporadically comes from my need to share common ground with people who only look different from me, but trust we are all the same inside. We all decide to have children, get married, take a vacation, eat certain foods, buy certain things, have different religions, have attitudes for no apparent reason, etc. I'm just saying. I suppose that is why we share things with people. I imagine sharing fundemental ideas with people provide us all with better ways to make better decisions. Bottomline is we have each other to help us through our decision making processes. Now, having said that make no mistake about it one should ask God first. I have found when I ask God first, he'll send me an angel, that angel will be in human form to do his will (I.e. your mom or best friend, even a stranger) and you'll know he got your message; after all he made us in his image. So when making a decision go with God, share with one another, respect one another and above all Love One Another.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

THINK BIG

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  There is no one who will follow or chase your dreams for you.  Let no fear, heartbreak, job, man or woman stop you.  Go confidently in the direction of your dreams for better quality of life.  By better quality of life I mean, dream of waking up to breakfast in bed...made by your personal chef.  Dream of actually owning that Maserati or Aston Martin.  Dream of making great investments.  Dream of being able to tithe 10% of $100,000,000 to your church.  Oh what God can do!  Dream a big Dream.  Have something to pass down to your children...an estate perhaps, art, jewels, horses, fine wines, etc...  Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Do what is right by your dreams, i.e. put a down payment on a home with your first "$50,000", clear your credit report, buy an automobile that makes sense in this economy but still has style.  THINK a big dream and GO CONFIDENTLY in the Direction of that Dream.  I know I will

Leontine
On Christ a solid rock I stand, All other ground is sinking sand

AS IT SHOULD BE

God has a divine plan for us all.  I have opened my eyes many a morning and thought "how am I gonna get to where I wanna be?" After I asked myself that question I realized that my eyes are open...I'm alive and well and I should be greatful for that first.  As long as you have life in you one can start over again.  Today is a new day, we have made it through a new year.  Whatever you have always wanted to do, wherever you have always wanted to be, NOW IS THE TIME.  Do what I did; sit down and evaluate your life.  Now is the time for introspection.  Evaluate who you are, what you are, how you came to be where you are, let go and let GOD!  Time waits for no man.  Do not be concerned with trivial matters such as vanity, or what others may think of what you should be doing with your life, or what others think you should be doing make it to where you want to be in life.  Concerning yourself with others opinions of who you are can be highly detrimental.  All that matters is that you are the beautiful creature that God made you to be.  All that matters is that everything is as it should be and God has already answered our prayers.  Every piece of heartache, every piece of downfall, every piece of stress that you have endured has prepared you for the goodness that you have asked God for.  I would like to be as successful an actress as Angelina Jolie or Cate Blanchett, do you think that is something that God just hands out?  Do you think I know everything about that business? I'd imagine that it takes an exorbitant amount of preparation to get that far ahead in life.  Would I like it to happen over night?  ABSOLUTELY! Am I prepared for overnight success?  I am now, 6 months ago...hell no!  If only I could show you the wrath God bestowed upon me to get me where I am now.  I am greatful that I am strong now, courageous now, fearless now, patient now, greatful now! Now...everything...is AS IT SHOULD BE!